A dear friend (thanks Cara-mac!) reminded me the other day that we are helpless but not hopeless because of our God. I'm so thankful for this because the helpless part is in full force and has been for 6 weeks... I have to admit it is rather painful to be a mommy of two and feel like you do close to nothing for both of them. I know what you are thinking, I'm being to hard on myself. But with Anna being so young, she doesn't understand why I'm leaving her all the time and not able to pick her up, etc. Don't get me wrong, she is doing so great with her grandparents (all 4 of them) and we are so blessed to have them here! It has just been a hard transition for our relationship... BUT I have my 6 week check up tomorrow with the OB doctor. So, the good news is I will be able to do more with Anna very soon, I am hopeful in the Lord.
My other babe David had many spells (heart rate and oxygen level drops) last night.. again. The air in his tummy, reflux, and increasing fluid in the brain continue causing the problems. Today the neurosurgeon took off a lot of fluid and he seems to be doing much better since. We continue to pray for all of these issues to resolve!
“But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”- Jeremiah 17:7-8
Hang in there Crystal...better days are coming! You are an amazing person and your kids are and will be blessed by your loving kindness. Lord, give my sweet friend strength, perseverance and hope. Help her find peace in the chaos and the unknown. Bless her with an abundance of Your joy. Amen.
ReplyDeleteOh Crystal, I know exactly how that feels to not be able to do for either of your babies. Being away from the big one who has always relied on you seems like a betrayal. And yet while the little one needs so much, you can only do a little here and there. I am thankful he is not on the vent and that you are able to hold him. That is the sweetest thing of all.
ReplyDeleteAnd if it helps, the time Faye spent away from me did nothing negative for her. She is a happy and healthy 4 year old and she spent about 6 months apart from me from 18 months to 2 years old. She has a better bond with her dad who she lived with and her grandmother who was her main caretaker than she ever could have had. And about 30 minutes after my final return, we were as close as we ever had been.
It is supposed to hurt your heart to be away from your baby, but trust those around you when we say you are doing everything just right!
Thinking of you,
Shannon Rubin